No one deserves abuse, yet dating abuse is very common among teens and adults. Please help end abuse by educating yourself and your community about dating abuse, supporting victims/survivors, challenging victim blaming, holding abusive people accountable and supporting them find help to change.

10 Things You Can Do to Prevent Dating Abuse

1. Practice and model respectful, non-violent behavior and healthy problem solving in your relationships
2. Educate yourself and others about dating abuse: call your local domestic violence agency and ask for materials and workshops for your school, classroom, organization, religious congregation etc. (call 1-800-799-SAFE for the number of a domestic violence agency in your community)
3. Listen to and believe victims/survivors of dating abuse
4. Provide nonjudgmental support and options for victims/survivors of dating abuse (dating/domestic abuse can be dangerous—encourage victims/survivors to call 911 in emergencies, help them come up with a plan for safety and encourage them to call a domestic violence agency for support and services)
5. Hold abusers accountable for their abusive behavior in safe and non-blaming ways (focus on the behavior, not the person)
6. Speak out against victim-blaming attitudes and myths about dating/domestic abuse (for example, you can challenge the attitude, “why doesn’t she just leave?”" by explaining that leaving can be the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship)
7. Challenge gender rules that normalize violence against heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer women and men (speak out against sexist and homophobic jokes, attitudes, behavior etc. and help create inclusive, safe spaces for everyone)
8. Challenge abuse/oppression in all its forms (racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, ableism, xenophobia, adultism, ageism)
9. Find out what your school, congregation or neighborhood is doing to prevent dating abuse (for example, ask your teachers, counselors and administrators to adopt school policies and training to protect victims/survivors of dating abuse, sexual harassment and homophobia, racism)
10. Volunteer and raise funds for your local domestic violence agency

10 Things Men Can Do to Prevent Gender Violence

From www.jacksonkatz.com

1. Approach gender violence as a MEN’S issue involving men of all ages and socioeconomic, racial and ethnic backgrounds. View men not only as perpetrators or possible offenders, but as empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers
2. If a brother, friend, classmate, or teammate is abusing his female partner — or is disrespectful or abusive to girls and women in general — don’t look the other way. If you feel comfortable doing so, try to talk to him about it. Urge him to seek help. Or if you don’t know what to do, consult a friend, a parent, a professor, or a counselor. DON’T REMAIN SILENT.
3. Have the courage to look inward. Question your own attitudes. Don’t be defensive when something you do or say ends up hurting someone else. Try hard to understand how your own attitudes and actions might inadvertently perpetuate sexism and violence, and work toward changing them.
4. If you suspect that a woman close to you is being abused or has been sexually assaulted, gently ask if you can help.
5. If you are emotionally, psychologically, physically, or sexually abusive to women, or have been in the past, seek professional help NOW.
6. Be an ally to women who are working to end all forms of gender violence. Support the work of campus-based women’s centers. Attend “Take Back the Night” rallies and other public events. Raise money for community-based rape crisis centers and battered women’s shelters. If you belong to a team or fraternity, or another student group, organize a fundraiser.
7. Recognize and speak out against homophobia and gay-bashing. Discrimination and violence against lesbians and gays are wrong in and of themselves. This abuse also has direct links to sexism (eg. the sexual orientation of men who speak out against sexism is often questioned, a conscious or unconscious strategy intended to silence them. This is a key reason few men do so).
8. Attend programs, take courses, watch films, and read articles and books about multicultural masculinities, gender inequality, and the root causes of gender violence. Educate yourself and others about how larger social forces affect the conflicts between individual men and women.
9. Don’t fund sexism. Refuse to purchase any magazine, rent any video, subscribe to any Web site, or buy any music that portrays girls or women in a sexually degrading or abusive manner. Protest sexism in the media.
10. Mentor and teach young boys about how to be men in ways that don’t involve degrading or abusing girls and women. Volunteer to work with gender violence prevention programs, including anti-sexist men’s programs. Lead by example.

Volunteer with us!

If you are a teen, live in San Mateo County, California, and are interested in volunteering with the Teen Outreach Program at CORA, please contact our Teen Services Coordinator at (650) 652-0800 x 121.

Resources

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911.

National Hotlines

• Teen Dating Abuse Helpline: 1-866-331-9474, 1-866-331-8453 TTY
• Teen Emergency (Girls’ & Boys’ Town): 1-800-848-3000
• LGBTQ Emergency: 1-800-347-TEEN (374-8336)
• Suicide: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
• LGBTQ crisis & suicide line: 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (488-7386)
• Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (656-4673)
• Runaway: 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929)
• Childhelp USA: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (422-4453)
• STI & HIV Hotline (CDC): 1-800-CDC-INFO (232-4636)
• Alcohol & Substance Abuse: 1-800-784-6776
• Planned Parenthood: 1-800-230-7526